English is a crazy language by Richard Lederer

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted.

But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why it is that writers write but fingers don't fing,grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
If you have one goose, two geese, why not one moose, two meese, or one index, two indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend,
or that you can comb through the annals of history but not a single annal?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital;
ship by truck and send cargo by ship;
have noses that run and feet that smell;
park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites, and quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which of course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when they lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I windup this essay, I end it?

Now I know why i flunked my English. It's not my fault, the silly language doesn't quite know whether it's coming or going.

Lets face it - English is a crazy language.

I LOVE THIS POEM. its so quirky to say the least (: we did it during English class one day. did i mention that i ABSOLUTELY LOVE this poem? (:

go enjoy today everyone! while i waste millions f boxes of tissue blowing my nose off. ):

I WANTED TO MAKE A NEW BLOG BUT I COULDNT THINK OF A NICE NAME. suggestions? so ignore the page where its supposed to describe me cos that was in sec one thank you very much. hahahaha anyway hi iliana's blog returns from the dead. (:
yeah let me see, today was quite a sucky-o day. like i woke up with my butt ACHING and everywhere else aching and then i felt so lethargic and everything. Turns out i've got myself a stinking fever. so i had to miss throwing a stick by the name of "Mr. Javellin" for sports fest trials or something like that and i had to miss a match. patooey man.

Anyway, the past three days have been quite exciting and by becky's words "chillax" (:

We finished our exams on MONDAY, i still cant believe exams are over at times. like i'll be watching tv then like this guilt-ridden image or thought or something will crash my head "WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERES EXAMS!" then i'll panic for a nanosecond and then suddenly i'll be like waitaminute THERE AINT NO MORE EXAMS! WHOO. (:

okay yes so that day was quite awesome, THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE WAS SO CUTE